we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize