just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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