ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Rumble strips road head = magical
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
