Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
