She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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