I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
