You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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