After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
