The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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