I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
