Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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