just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
