Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And then my night got REAL pukey
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
