It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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