marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
