quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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