I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
