I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize