You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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