Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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