Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
