the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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