You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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