nut hugger
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
