I think my fart just growled at me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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