thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
