Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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