I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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