Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
