I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
