I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
