I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
