I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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