Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
