i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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