Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You work out of a Hotel?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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