I'm really into asian looking animals
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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