Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize