Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
