sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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