Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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