I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
