I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
