Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
