DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
