weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
