Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize