You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
