Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
