saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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