i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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