cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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