He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
