Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
