how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
