apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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