I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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