i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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