I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need water and some morals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
