I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
