He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
