Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize